


a direct order

by satiricalnerd



Series: did you even have to ask? - a collection of royai oneshots [3]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Ishval wasn't nice to these two lovebirds, Roy is there for Riza, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:48:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26226658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satiricalnerd/pseuds/satiricalnerd
Summary: When Riza weighs her life against all the people she's killed, there's only one person she can call.(royai angst one shot)
Relationships: Riza Hawkeye & Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Series: did you even have to ask? - a collection of royai oneshots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1908457
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	a direct order

**Author's Note:**

> this takes place after Riza gets stationed at Eastern Command, but before the events of Brotherhood start.

The long nights were the hardest part of being Riza. 

But ironically, they were the only times that she was blatantly and unapologetically herself. 

Every other time, she was someone else. In the military, she was the most accurate sniper and uptight paperwork pusher, The Hawk’s Eye. Other times, when she was undercover, she was carefree Elizabeth. Even Riza Hawkeye felt like a front.

But now, cradling the pistol in her hands, she wasn’t wearing a mask. Of course, it didn’t make anything easier. 

Flashes of the people she’s killed appear in front of her eyes. You don’t get to be the most deadly sniper in Amestris without taking too many lives to count. 

So many who lived by the gun died by the gun- and too often it was their own gun. What was one more dead soldier? What would it matter, when she was effectively a mass murderer? Her torment was justice- justice for all the innocent people she’d killed.

This wasn’t the first time she’s sat up all night, holding the loaded pistol in her hand, debating her options. She couldn’t count the number of times she’d picked up the gun, just to set it down again. Sometimes, Black Hayate would whimper. She couldn’t do that to him. Occasionally, she’d get a phone call from Rebecca, or her Colonel, if she was lucky. 

Once she had fallen asleep, hands still holding the armed weapon. Riza hadn’t let that happen twice.

But no one was calling her now. Black Hayate was fast asleep in her bedroom. 

Maybe she didn’t need someone to call her. She could call someone. 

Roy, she told herself. Call him. He knows better than anyone what you’re going through tonight.

But Riza didn’t want to bother her superior officer, not to mention that it had to be early in the morning already. 

What other choice did she have? A part of her knew that she couldn’t go through with it- she still had goals and plans. But she couldn’t take it anymore. She had to talk to someone, even if it was just Roy’s voicemail.

She felt unbelievably weak for needing to call him … it was her problem, not his. Nevertheless, out of options, she dialed his personal number into her home telephone.

“Hello? Who’s bothering me at this hour!” Riza heard the Colonel’s brash voice. Tears stung her eyes.

“It’s me, sir,” she said. “I’m sorry I bothered you.”

She shouldn’t have called. She was just bothering him, for nothing.

“Wait- Lieutenant? No, you’re not bothering me! Are you okay? Did something happen? Riza?”

“I’m alright, Colonel,” Riza said. “I just needed to hear your voice for a minute. I’m sorry I bothered you.”

“You never call me so late, and I already told you that you’re not bothering me! I know something’s going on. Are you alright? Did you have a nightmare?”

Riza’s face was wet with salty tears pouring down her face. She couldn’t respond, her throat felt choked up, and she couldn’t dare say anything without breaking down into sobs. 

“Lieutenant, I can be over in ten minutes. I’m on my way,” Roy said. 

“Thank you,” Riza said, so soft that almost she couldn’t hear her own voice. 

“I’ll be there as fast as I can, okay? Hang in there for a bit.”

Roy hung up the phone.

Riza set her phone down and smiled to herself a little. 

Four minutes later, the doorbell to Riza’s apartment rang. 

“Hey, Lieutenant, are you alright?” Colonel Mustang nearly knocked down the door as he charged into her apartment.

“I’m alright, Colonel. I’m sorry to bring you all the way here, especially so late…” 

“Don’t say that, Lieutenant. You know I’d rather be here with you than back at my apartment, wondering what was going on with you,” Roy said. 

Riza started to say something but was interrupted. 

“Lieutenant, what is this?” Roy said, furiously. He walked over to the couch and picked up the loaded pistol. 

“It’s …” Riza started to explain, but she couldn’t think of any lie that Roy wouldn’t be able to see through. 

“Riza…” Roy’s voice was soft and barely audible. 

“I know, Colonel. I just-” 

“Just what? I know too many soldiers who have died by their own gun, Riza. And you’re not going to become one of them. Because we still have a job to do,” Roy said firmly.

“I’m sorry, sir,” Riza began, looking at the floor. 

Roy unloaded the pistol and tossed it on the couch. 

“Lieutenant, you aren’t even going to consider taking your own life again,” Colonel Mustang said forcefully. “Consider that a direct order from your superior officer.”

“Yes, Colonel Sir,” Riza said, not able to look Roy in the eyes.

She felt a firm hand on her chin. It lifted her head up to meet Roy in the eyes. His gaze was intense, and he was so very close to her face.

“Riza, I can’t afford to lose you,” he said softly, the commanding gaze in his eyes fading away. 

“Understood, sir.”

“You know, I’ve been there. Hell, sometimes I find myself back there. Back in that place where it feels like the only way out is … well, out.” 

Riza knew her Colonel had flashbacks sometimes, and she knew that they both suffered from the trauma they’d been through. But she had no idea that, he too …

“You don’t deserve this Riza. Neither do I. You dying wouldn’t fix anything. You have to stick around so that we can fix it, together.”

For the first time in a long time, Riza believed that maybe, just maybe, that was possible. It was hard to think otherwise, with Colonel Mustang right there, the confidence radiating from him. 

“Okay,” Riza said softly. “I’m sorry I worried you. Most nights aren’t like this.”

Roy nodded. “I understand. But for tonight, I’m taking you back to my house.”

When Riza looked surprised he added “I would just take all the guns from your apartment, but you have so many that I wouldn’t even know where to begin. And the worst thing for you would be to be alone tonight in a heavily armed house.”

Riza nodded. 

Her Colonel wrapped his arm around her shoulders and guided her out of the apartment. When they reached the street, Riza admitted that the brisk air felt good for her head. The drive back to the Colonel’s residence was about fifteen minutes, making Riza wonder how many traffic regulations he had broken in order to arrive at her in a third of the time. 

Roy guided Riza upstairs in his apartment. She was already in sleepwear, and her eyes felt heavy. Colonel Mustang’s steady hand on her shoulder was more comforting than she’d thought possible. 

The next she knew, birds were chirping outside. It was morning. 

“Good morning, Lieutenant,” Roy said, sitting in his bedroom armchair with a cup of coffee.

“What time is it-” she mumbled. 

“It’s about nine in the morning,” Roy said nonchalantly.  
“Oh, I’m going to miss work-” Riza moaned. “I never miss work…” 

“It’s alright. I called today off for both of us. It’s Friday. Officially, you are sick, and I am out of town, visiting my aunt in Central City.” 

“Colonel, you didn’t have to do that.” 

“No, I didn’t,” he said. “But you need a day off, and I couldn’t go to work knowing you were by yourself.”

Riza flushed red, still vaguely ashamed of her actions last night. In the morning light, laying in Roy’s bed, watching her Colonel drink coffee and smile at her, she was glad she was alive. Glad that she called him.

“Thank you, Colonel.”

“Never hesitate to call me, Lieutenant,” Roy said gently. “Just like I know that I can count on you to have my back. I’d like to be able to return the favor.”

Riza smiled.

The long nights were the hardest part about being Riza Hawkeye.

But when she looked at her Colonel, it was worth it. 

He was her best.

**Author's Note:**

> this killed me to write XP  
> it has a happy ending tho so that's good!  
> feel free to leave comments of any sort :)


End file.
